Wednesday, November 16, 2016

In-laws

Today I want to step on people's toes because it is necessary. A wise woman said to me once,Kulani most mother in-laws mistreat and hate their daughter in-laws because as she tells her the faults of her husband silently she is exposing her failures and this makes mother in-laws angry and defensive of their son's bad behavior.

I really understand that aspect but it doesn't exempt their bad behavior, instead of hating the daughter in-law,why not call your son to order and help him to be a better husband because this is beneficial to the children than the wife. No wife loves to fix the faults of another woman, it is not easy and it is quite draining.

Should mother in-laws wise up and see their daughter in-laws as their own flesh and blood, not a competitor, marriages will be a bliss. A husband shouldn't be given an ultimatum between mother and wife, it is harsh and very unfair.

I aspire to be a loving mother in-law and to love who my children love. We find many mother in-laws going against God's words "What God has joined together,let no man separate". Married or unmarried, do not treat your son as your own husband, desire for him to grow and be responsible. A mother's job never ends meaning even if your son is 50 years, if he goes astray it is still your responsibility to correct the behavior not condone it. I do bear in mind that a mother will never send their children to go do wrong things but how you react to it exposes your character.

I find it disturbing for a mother in-law to be supporting her son in cheating on his wife,simply because she thinks the wife has pride bla bla bla. Women should support and stand together to stop this cheating vicious circle that will see HIV and divorces being lessened.

You as a mother cannot expect your son to financially support you and neglect his family.Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."Most of the hating comes because mother in-law feels entitled to her son's salary, truth be told if your son and wife decides to give you money every month it is because they want and have agreed not out of obligation.


A daughter in-law will always love and respect but they too are human,they cannot allow all the abuse 12 months,4 seasons. It is really not fair. Worse her children are not enjoying having a grandmother because only kids from your girls are loved and treated well. This order is wrong and needs to be corrected.

Love him/her because your child chose to spend the rest of his/her life with her. Correct him/her like you will your own children, don't capitalize on his/her weak points and use it against him/her. Forgive him/her like you do your own children.

Same with sisters to the husband,if you are lonely kindly please go and look for a man and stop causing havoc in your brothers' marriages. It is not the fault of the wife that you are not married, that some man broke your heart, you are taking it out on the wrong person. The wife is not there to replace you as a daughter but to build a family with your brother, no need to turn your mother against her and form an alliance to bring the poor wife down. Yes you know your brother for all your life but he has grown and decided to marry, respect his choices. It is not your brother's duty to feed and cloth your children, do not expect it.If he did that before he got married it is fine he was single, now the tables have turned respect that.

Makoti and Mkhwenyane the way you treat your parents and siblings, please do the same with your spouse's family. Yes you will make mistakes, it's understandable you are human but always swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness as you will from your parents. The element of respect should also be displayed in your spouse's family, do not burn bridges when you fight with your spouse by insulting his/her family when they try to call you to order. Husband, your wife's sister is your own sister do not lust over her and make her uncomfortable to even visit your home.

Some how the ancient culture, that promoted husband's to marry the wife's little sister should the wife die/be barren and the wife to be married by the deceased husband's bother created this Sodom and Gomorrah that makes it right for husband's to chase the wife's sister even if she is alive and kicking and fruitful too. That practice was wrong and greedy too and now we are left with a messed up world.


I conclude by saying if we can remove in-law and just say my daughter or mother maybe we can start seeing one another in a different view and the world can really be a better place.





Tuesday, November 15, 2016

The Storm

Yesterday afternoon (14/11/2016) as I was driving back home,I drove close to 12km in the hail storm,my mind went into panic mode,I couldn't even feel my legs.I thought maybe i must turn back or park along the road but I decided to switch my music and listen to Sonnie Badu- Covenant Keeping God.As it intensified i started calling upon Jehovah,my mind was telling me that only my attitude will take me out of this storm and I won't lie I was tempted to sing "Tatana wa vitana"as "a ndzi vona sirha ri ahlamile".As the song was playing,I reminded God that He promised after the Noah flood never to sweep us so I aint gonna die. I realized that my car won't shield me as the hail was big to even break the windscreen,the wind to heavy to blow the car,lighting stroke so hard then I said Lord my trust is in you and You Who have promised,You are always faithful. I reacted normally under those circumstances and as I approached Kiel I saw light and I knew that the storm is over.

When I got home I sat in my car before going into the house,reflecting what has happened and I was motivated that if i passed the physical storm I will also pass the life storms. We serve Jehovah Adonai,He doesn't sleep nor slumber, He is always watching over us.

Now I have a new mindset, I have learned to give it all to God. It is just a storm,it is not permanent.Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding,this scripture I have lived it yesterday. May this testimony change someone who is facing a storm in their life, marriage,career, finances "It is not permanent,hold on to God and do not waiver". The way I was traumatized I went straight to bed as my whole being was numb and I couldn't even eat. We serve a Mighty God,Who doesn't delay when We call upon Him, He arrives just on time.
Have a blessed Tuesday.

Friday, November 4, 2016

The Solemn Vow


I have shared this with other Wise wives and thought it will be unjustly if I do not blog about it. The question that I am posing to every married person is this "Do you believe in the vows.. ?"Did, you believe in Love?" If you have answered "Yes", I am here to tell you this simple truth, fight for your marriage.. 

Do not give up.. Despite the wait..fight!!! Some it may take years, till you get your breakthrough, some days, some never. What you have to know and understand is that the higher the calling, the more the challenges/persecutions and we do not fight against flesh and blood.

GOD is reminding us of one of the greatest women of FAITH....Sarah, Her husband sleeping with another woman. That woman produced a Son named Ishmael. It's the result of what is taking place today. You must see in the spirit of faith that there could not be a Mary without Sarah.. Hear me, Christ came through the Father Abraham loins, the Father of Nations. So Sarah carried even a purpose for Christ... My point is this... If she was not faithful to endure.. Her name would have been forgotten today. God says your vows women and men are not forgotten.. Even if you are in the heat of the battle like the heat of the middle east.. Hold fast to your faith in your marriages.. Cause a Godly vow cannot be broken.. Thus saith the Lord.

The argument I got when posting this on facebook which was a fair and intelligent one, was "
Wasn't an agreement between Sarah and Abraham for him to sleep with another woman? Our spouses do it without our concern and then we should remember our vows and fight?

My response was simple:" Yes it is 100% true that it was an agreement but that didn't exempt Sarai to be hurt and tormented. Genesis 16:1" Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.”
Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.
When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me.”
“Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her."

Sometimes as wives if we feel that we have failed, we allow our husbands to do whatever, then after they have done it, we are hurt. Yes we do not send our husbands cheating, as cheating is a choice not a mistake and quite frankly I do not want to know the reasons why a man ended up deciding to do it. But I have heard a woman say to his cheating husband,"since you love your girlfriend and spend more time with her than us, it is better you make her your second wife." Why are we settling for less? Is it because our faith in God is wavering? If a man hears that, he won't say no. We even do it with Inlaws, "Honey, I cannot compete with your mother, it is better you give her half of your salary every month. The bible says a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. If you can see that financially your husband cannot take care of his parents and siblings, why are you allowing it at the expense of your children cause now they won't get the best because now finances are split and your salary must look at everything.  We love abusing ourselves unnecessarily, that order is wrong,we always settle for less and God didn't create us to settle for less and we mistake it for submitting but that is a topic for another day. 

 One of the questions was "what does God say about divorce,cheating and forgiveness? I will deal with this topic separately even though it ties up, let's go back to the topic at hand "Vows".
Ecclesiastes 5:4 When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.The vows you and your husband took or made were before God, the pastor,family and friends were only there to be witnesses. The Word rebuke us in taking vows if we are not intending to fulfill them, this mean if you are not willing to honor your marriage vows, simple do not get married.No one is forcing you to take those vows and lately I have seen at most weddings, the pastors let the couple to write their own vows to avoid situations where one spouse will say, those were the pastor's words/vows not mine.

I do not preach what i do not practice. I always reach out to my vows, I have put them in my keepsake box for reference purposes. Every time my husband does something that shakes our union, I quickly pull out the box and take them out and read them. I do not make him read them, that should come from him to revisit his and I do not do it for him,I do it for me and it helps me cry to God using them as my prayer points.

Wise wife, I do not know what you are facing in your marriage and I do not know what is it that you promised God when you entered His Sacred Union(Marriage) but I am saying to you today, no matter how hard and unbearable your situation is, remember you took your vow before the Lord Almighty and I want to believe that you did so soberly and because you were confident that you will be able to honor it. Through the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit stay true to yourself and to your God for you made that solemn vow.

Stay blessed Woman of God
And this is my Solemn Vow
 
 

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Being a married woman

I remember when i was planing for my wedding, i wanted everything to be perfect. It was indeed beautiful and perfect because all things were in my control.We attended the pre-marital counseling for 6 months as we thought it was essential and beneficial. I really thought my marriage life would be perfect and beautiful like my wedding but all challenges are found in marriage not wedding and the worse thing is that it is beyond my control. Dealing with the challenges was not easy as none of the things I was told at the pre-marital counseling could help. Then i realized that people are different, even the challenges; what our marriage counselor shared with us is what he went through not what we will go through as he wouldn't have guessed the exact challenges. How i wished we went through the challenges that he shared cause i would have aced it with flying colors. I really thought this was one easy journey but what i appreciate about the marriage journey is the fact that it brings a person more closer to God, because to travel it you need to go back to Him and ask for the travel guide.

I had my own expectations of marriage and was once one of those women who swore never to stay in marriage if this and that can happen. When you are single, you learn to be independent and everything is in singular but the minute you become married you learn to be considerate and to share. I changes to We.

One thing i have learned is that marriage is for two imperfect people trusted by God to enter into His perfect sanctuary.I find myself going against what i stand for, to do what i strongly believe in and that is what God says about marriage.

What i have realized is that living to please God is hard as it is seen to the world as being cheap and desperate but this is the decision i have taken as pleasing people was not benefiting me in any way.I rather be called names by worldly people than sin against God. We all have different religions and i respect every person's religious beliefs and hope people will respect mine too.

In the 2 years of marriage i have learned forgiveness, this is one thing that is not easy as the scars are too deep but this is what the word of God teaches us. Most of the things were very hard for me and left me shattered but God said you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength, I saw myself being strengthened and deciding to forgive helped to heal quickly and let go.

Forgiveness is like cancer, it eats you alive and live you with terminal illnesses. This is one of the attributes I thank God for giving me(the spirit of forgiveness). To the world that is full of anger and hatred, you seem insane to say I don't care what he did, I forgive him anyway.

The questions I get is what if he repeats it and my answer is I will still forgive him. This I am doing out of my own free will with the help from God as I am also a sinner saved by grace, in my everyday walk I always fall short and God forgives me either way,He doesn't even wait for my apology cause Christ already paid the price.

I know men always take advantage of kind-hearted women but what I know is that only God can avenge. I was not born to punish people who hurt me, I was born for a purpose and I won't know that purpose when I pursue everyone who hurts me,I always choose to invest my energy positively.

Old african women had a lot to say about marriage and I once thought of them as suckers for punishment cause nothing they said made sense,dirt is dirt and belongs in the rubbish bin but through my own experiences as a married woman with the help of the Word of God and prayer I now understand what they were actually saying. Give it a name it is okay as long as it makes one sleep better but I call it honoring the vows I made to God and no matter the steep I will not be disobedient to Him as He has never failed me. I am confident that even in my hard times, He who has promised is faithful He will continue with the good work that He has started when I said I do on 25 January 2014 till completion.

With all being said, does it mean that wives must settle for less NO.I mean a prudent wife stays at the feet of Jesus Christ, approaches and wets the throne of God with tears. My motto is I am married to God not to my husband and God being God He will never leave nor forsake me and His love for me is unconditional.

In this journey I will tread on the lion and the cobra;I will trample the great lion and the serpent.Because she loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue her;I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.

This is my confidence, that God has my back and will turn my mourning into dancing and sadness into joy. The devil is defeated by this word of my testimony.